It’s something I’m really annoyed that I can’t do.
Like, really annoyed.
I’m sure The Doctor would be extremely angered if I hopped into his Tardis and did this. I’d create a paradox which would then make a hole in time and I’d mess up the universe or something like that. But, I’d really rather love to do it. Despite whatever Peter Capaldi/Matt Smith/David Tennant or any other past time traveller might yell at me.
Being the kid who didn’t believe in Santa, wasn’t girly in the slightest and didn’t follow the crowd meant that I often felt quite left out at school. I wasn’t part of a group in the playground; in fact, some (most) break-times, you’d find me walking around with one of the ‘Cookies’. (That’s a dinner lady for all of those who aren’t down with the kids, yo.) One time in the sweltering heat of summer, the meanest Cookie out of all of the meanies in the history of meanies made me tell all of the kids on the field to put their jumpers on and to not leave them on the field. Kids didn’t really like me for that.
Don’t get me wrong, I did have friends…I think. Well, my 9th birthday party was pretty darn fantastic. I boogied my butt off as usual. But, I still didn’t feel like I fitted in. This was a common occurrence throughout my teens; particularly in my youth group. I was the girl who didn’t join in with conversations about hair, dresses and make-up. The one who never really knew what to say. And when I did speak, people didn’t respond or laugh. So, I’d just stay quiet and feel pretty bad about myself.
This is the point that I’d LOVE to meet myself. I’d rock up during a lesson, at youth group or at an awkward gathering where I had once felt like a lemon. (What an odd phrase…lemons are great. Mmm. Zesty.)
Anyway, yes, so my 21 year old self would then rock up and give my younger self a cuddle / high five / incredible greeting. I’d be that cool older kid that the others didn’t know that would immediately make my younger self cool through association with me. 😉 (This is the best daydream ever.)
I’d then take my younger self to one side and show her how confident I am now. I’d show her, that, you know what? Life does get pretty darn hilarious later on. And that although people weren’t that great growing up, there are going to be some wonderfully wonderful people rocking up later in life. That, one day, I’d feel so loved by the people around me, find the most brilliant, caring, unique and strong-willed friends at university who would strive to encourage me rather than bring me down and that I’d dance and laugh so so much in life. I, of course, wouldn’t give away any cheeky little details about my life…where would the fun be in that? But, I would encourage my younger self that even though the past has been a poo, the future is WAY cooler by how the past has shaped me to be.
I’m really proud of the person I am. I don’t think that’s an arrogant thing to say. I hope not anyway. I’m just really proud of how far I’ve come and that I can enter a room, show my Sarah White-ness to the people within it and just be me. I’ve obviously got such a long way to go; I will never ever EVER be perfect. And I don’t want to be. Learning about how to be is fun. I don’t want that to end. Growing up is weird. But day by day, I feel pretty cool to feel that little bit wiser and to keep aiming towards that goal of mine to be a female version of Rafiki from The Lion King.
Perhaps create a little timeline of your life. Note the highs and lows. The dodgy hair cuts. The awkward moments. The best giggles. Those inspirational people who rocked up and blew your socks off. See how far you’ve come. I think you’ll be pretty proud of yourself too. And that’s an epic thing to be. 🙂